What is sex?
Thanks to the thoughts and experiences shared above, it is clear to see that there is no one, fixed definition for sex.
Sex means different things to different people at different times. Sex may mean one thing to you now and something different one, five, or ten years from now as your body, education, and experiences change and expand.
At any moment, you have the right to information and resources that will help you stay safe and informed when it comes to engaging with sex and sexuality – however you wish to engage in it. We hope this website can be one of many tools that can guide and hold you throughout this journey!
For the purpose of this website: when we use the term sex – we are not talking exclusively about genital sex. When we mention sex, we are referring to a larger view of any and all desires, behaviours, or acts that folks engage in to feel good sexually or express themselves in a sexual way.
How was sex taught to you?
We have all had different journeys when it comes to learning about sex. Maybe there were certain experiences shared in the video that you can relate to, or maybe your experiences are completely different to anything discussed above.
The most important take-away is that sex education is an ongoing, lifelong experience of learning AND un-learning.
Institutional sex education often leaves out many bodies, experiences, and histories. Many of us grow up receiving information about our sex and sexuality that are rooted in fear and avoidance.
We are told that it is wrong to be curious or explorative when it comes to sex and that the consequences of doing so are irreversible. We hope that this website can be a space for you to begin or continue challenging any shame, fear, or confusion you may be holding when it comes to learning about sex and sexuality.
Sex is often depicted as a simple physical act, but the truth is, there are many interwoven dimensions, the five core of which are MENTAL, PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, and SOCIAL. Think of the dimensions of sex as a series of overlapping circles: they are all interconnected and they all influence each other. It is also important to remember that the dimensions of sex influence every individual person differently!
MENTAL
When you hear the word “masturbation”, what images appear in your mind? Have you ever created a mental movie starring you and someone you are attracted to? The mental aspect of sexuality is everything that has to do with the ideas, thoughts, opinions, and images you associate with sex. It is healthy and normal to fantasize, reflect on your thoughts, and question your opinions around sex and sexuality often.
PHYSICAL
The physical aspect of sex is about your senses and what you are feeling in your body. This can be the quickening pace of your heartbeat when you talk to someone you are attracted to, the sweating of your palms when you are nervous to try something new, or feelings of pleasure when you are engaging in sexual activities. Knowing and understanding the physical sensations of your body can be a great way to better understand how you are feeling about something or someone.
EMOTIONAL
How do you feel when you are close to your partner(s)? What emotions come up when you discuss consent with others? Our emotions play a big role in our behaviour, perceptions, and decisions. The emotional aspect of sex encompasses our sensitivities, reactions, and feelings around sex and sexuality. It is normal to have multiple, overlapping emotions when engaging with sexual thoughts or activities. Our emotions are complex and can change and shift often. For example, coming out about your sexual orientation to those you are close to can be stressful, exciting, painful, and comforting all at the same time and that is okay!
SPIRITUAL
The moral/spiritual aspect of sex refers to our religious, cultural, and/or personal values and beliefs around sex and sexuality. Our values and morals can be great mental guides towards building boundaries that feel good and make us feel safe as we grow and learn about our desires and needs. However, many complex emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations can come up in cases when our desires, attractions, and activities do not fit in with our longstanding moral/spiritual beliefs. It is important to remember that your personal values are yours to shape and that they can change over time – just like your sexuality!
SOCIAL
What kinds of relationships do you see in movies and television most often? How does society view certain kinds of sexual activities as right and others as wrong? Media often depicts sex as gential intercourse between a heterosexual couple. The problem is, there are many people who don’t have that kind of sex or who don’t have that kind of sex every time, and still have very full and happy sex lives. The social aspect of sex refers to societal and cultural views towards sex and sexuality, many of which are shaped by power structures and political ideals. It is important to regularly reflect and be critical of the many messages that shape our understandings of sex, sexuality, and gender.
Creating My Sexuality
“Creating my Sexuality” is a guide that will help you to reflect on your sexual thoughts, desires, opinions, and identities. It is for you only and does not have to be shared with anyone. Drag each term that you identify or agree with into the fire to add to your personalized summary!
Part 1: Emotions
What emotions have you felt when engaging in sexual activity? OR what emotions do you think can be associated with sexual activity?
Part 2: Sexual orientations and identities
What sexual orientation(s) + gender identities do you identify with?
Part 3: Sexual activity
What sexual activities are you interested in exploring or learning more about?
Part 4: Fears
What are some fears that you have around sex?
Part 5: Education
Who/what do you rely on for your sexual education?
Conclusion
Our mental, physical, emotional, moral, and social experiences of sex and sexuality are always changing. You may find yourself wanting to try something you never thought you’d be into or no longer excited about something you used to enjoy. It is a good idea to download this guide and go back to it often. Maybe in a year or two, your answers will be totally different!
Part 1: Emotions
Part 2: Sexual orientations and identities
Part 3: Sexual activity
Part 4: Fears
Part 5: Education
Different Genitals
Vulva
Vulva
Penis
Uncircumcised
Penis
Circumcised
What is masturbation shame?
Many people have experienced masturbation shame in their lifetimes. Shaming people for their sexual desires has historically served to control certain populations and to reinforce socially constructed roles. This culture of shame and guilt has sprouted many strange myths around masturbation, which continue to serve as powerful tools of control. Anything you may have heard about masturbation causing infertility, loss of eyesight, extra body hair growth, changes in the size of your genitals, acne, etc. is COMPLETELY FALSE!!
What is masturbation?
Masturbation is a sexual activity that is done without a partner – it is between you and yourself! Masturbation is something people from all backgrounds, cultures, religions, genders, and sexualities engage in. People who are single masturbate. People who are in relationships masturbate. Sometimes, partners even masturbate together.
Masturbation can be a great way to explore pleasure in our bodies and to better learn what feels good for us. It can even be a way to practice self-care.
Some common ways people with penises masturbate:
Using the hands, sometimes lubricated with lotion or lubricant, to rub or stroke the shaft and base of the penis.
Using the hands to gently rub the testicles.
Using the fingers or objects to enter the anus and/or massage the prostate gland.
Using a vibrator or a vibrating/pulsating object on the penis, anus, scrotum, or other genital area.
Rubbing, pinching, or pulling at nipples, neck, or ears.
Some common ways people with vulvas masturbate:
Using fingers to massage, rub, or tap the clitoris.
Inserting fingers or sex toys in the vagina or anus.
Massaging the clitoris or vulva with a vibrating object or a water source (like a shower head or water jet).
Applying pressure in the general genital area, by squeezing thighs together or against a pillow or other object.
Rubbing, pinching, or pulling at nipples, neck, or ears.
Bottom line: There is nothing wrong with masturbating. It is a form of self-pleasure, not unlike all the other forms of sensorial self-pleasure you may engage in regularly, like wearing clothing that makes you feel good, taking a bath, giving yourself a massage, going on a long walk, eating food that tastes good, smelling a nicely scented candle.
On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with not masturbating. It is an optional activity that you can engage with as much or as little as you like. The only time you should start worrying is if masturbating is getting in the way of other parts of your life that are important to you.
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